The Unofficial Autobiography
The
Unofficial Autobiography
Where do I start?...
(scratches head) 
I don't rightly know where I come in. All I remember is a
relentless barrage of bashings. See... I lived under the bed of one of those
smelly morons in Third Court - as was renamed Stag Hill Court, for reasons best
known to themselves. Well, I know I must
have got there somehow, somewhen - but
that's not important. One day in June 1975 I was rescued by a fair maiden. She
sticks her face in my face, and she says 'Poor Bear! What's he doing under
here?'
Well, 'course, first off, I thought she was talking to me, and
as I don't rightly speak, this was embarassing, if you like. But she was
addressing that moron of a layabout who would constantly toss and turn above
me, with the most horrendous snoring accompinament that you ever did hear.
Added to which, every morning, his mate would come in and grab me from under
the bed - unannounced and all unnecessary - and bash this moron about the head
with it. Apparently I was meant to wake him up. Had I done any more serious
damage than waking him, I dread to think of the consequences ...I am only glad
that I was incapable of answering for it. Some people have less sense than they
were born with....
This fair lady took pity on me. She said, 'You can't
treat a bear in this fashion.' or some such complaint. She decided I was 'Teddy
Grant' and, before you could say, 'Bear's bare', there I was - off in the wild
blue yonder - well, the green of the sunbathing, actually, but who was I to
complain? In the fullness of time, I was granted the Order of the Eye-necklace.
Some other Surrey moron had won it at a fair, and it do match my eyes, so I
can't complain.
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To make up for my inauspicious start in life, Fate
decided I should accompany the Fair Lady on her jaunts through Life. A Jolly
Time we had, too. We have been down many roads together - Sweden, and France,
and Vienna, and Germany, and Wales, and Athens, and Crete (them's my holiday
pics and - by golly - they are swell, truth to tell). She never likes to leave
me behind. 
Of course, in recent years, I been sitting
on her bedroom fireplace watching the jaunts of her two little'uns, which is
less fun than maybe but - as they say, every dog has his day, so I 'pect
Teddy's ways to be similar? And, now that she goes galavanting again, I go with
her, as ever - I been with her to Athens, Crete and Sweden in as many years, so
who's to complain? 
It was a golden day when
Winnie and I found each other......
Teddy Grant (as ever was)
teddy.grant@uossnaps.co.uk
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