Teddy Grant
The Unofficial Autobiography


Where do I start?...

(scratches head)

Butter wouldn't meltI don't rightly know where I come in. All I remember is a relentless barrage of bashings. See... I lived under the bed of one of those smelly morons in Third Court - as was renamed Stag Hill Court, for reasons best known to themselves. Well, I know I must Freedom!have got there somehow, somewhen - but that's not important. One day in June 1975 I was rescued by a fair maiden. She sticks her face in my face, and she says 'Poor Bear! What's he doing under here?'

Well, 'course, first off, I thought she was talking to me, and as I don't rightly speak, this was embarassing, if you like. But she was addressing that moron of a layabout who would constantly toss and turn above me, with the most horrendous snoring accompinament that you ever did hear. Added to which, every morning, his mate would come in and grab me from under the bed - unannounced and all unnecessary - and bash this moron about the head with it. Apparently I was meant to wake him up. Had I done any more serious damage than waking him, I dread to think of the consequences ...I am only glad that I was incapable of answering for it. Some people have less sense than they were born with....

This fair lady took pity on me. She said, 'You can't treat a bear in this fashion.' or some such complaint. She decided I was 'Teddy Grant' and, before you could say, 'Bear's bare', there I was - off in the wild blue yonder - well, the green of the sunbathing, actually, but who was I to complain? In the fullness of time, I was granted the Order of the Eye-necklace. Some other Surrey moron had won it at a fair, and it do match my eyes, so I can't complain.

Mines a pint
Can I Swim?

To make up for my inauspicious start in life, Fate decided I should accompany the Fair Lady on her jaunts through Life. A Jolly Time we had, too. We have been down many roads together - Sweden, and France, and Vienna, and Germany, and Wales, and Athens, and Crete (them's my holiday pics and - by golly - they are swell, truth to tell). She never likes to leave me behind.

Of course, in recent years, I been sitting on her bedroom fireplace watching the jaunts of her two little'uns, which is less fun than maybe but - as they say, every dog has his day, so I 'pect Teddy's ways to be similar? And, now that she goes galavanting again, I go with her, as ever - I been with her to Athens, Crete and Sweden in as many years, so who's to complain?

It was a golden day when Winnie and I found each other......

Teddy Grant (as ever was)

teddy.grant@uossnaps.co.uk


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